the past week has been an emotional rollercoaster. for once i ended work early most of the week, but it was bad. i needed to numb myself with work, to get my mind off everything. ending early means alot of time to think. to feel sore and let my emotions get the better of me. grabbing only 3 to 4 hrs a sleep a day, one can only imagine how tired i was the whole week. but i numbed myself with work. work was the only thing that could stop me from thinking. but that meant my brain didn't stop thinking. didn't stop working....

it all began with a sudden urge to complain. i really thought i was over it but somehow i asked you out for coffee... total wrong move! one event led to another and before i knew it, tueday's lunch was inevitable.

tuesday's lunch was info overload. maybe i shouldn't have probed. if only i didn't, then i wouldn't be in this shit. but then wad will happen if i didn't? i dunnoe... no more 'if's... its time to move on and not look back. sry i made you worried, i did tt on purpose... i was so angry i guess i lost my senses. my best fren is so right, i was more angry than anything.

wed was horrible. ended work at 7 and i couldn't make myself not think. so i met my beloved sis. realised that the both of us are in the same situation. hence, you can totally understand how i feel. love u babe. deep inside we noe tt regardless of wad ppl say, the decision lies with ourselves. so as usual, there was no conclusion, even at 4am but somwhow i made a decision. sry i made u stay up...

thurs was the WORST!! i couldn't even numb myself with work. and i guess it is fated that i typed in the wrong screen... and so i decided to tok to you. i knew toking to you wun solve my prob and whether to believe you or not, tt's my decision. i trust myself. but somehow, after toking to you, it lightened my load, or maybe it was passed to you?? i dunnoe. i was still confused but tt nite i slept. solid 3.5 hrs of sleep.

fri was my max. i never felt sooo tired before. my brains could not think anymore. i was toking nonsense, made alot of mistakes with my work (sry sup) and jus collasped when i reached home. no energy to even think.

thanks to all those who listened, thanks guys~ babe, i din noe you were gg thru more shit than me. and yet you listened... now i feel as though my probs are so small... i'm sorry. bet you felt like shit when u were toking to me but had to put up a strong front to tok sense into me. i really feel lousy. i dunno wad to tell you other than trust yourself and be happy.. dun try to be fair to everyone, that will never happen. so jus be fair to urself. dun give urself the chance to regret. at the end of the day, at least you tried - that's all that matters.

those who scolded me, i noe you did it for my own gd. to wake me up from my dream. it really doesn feel good to admit i made a wrong decision, to admit i was stupid. and to get scolded is the worst feeling ever. but i thank you guys for letting me noe. and to knock sense into me... and nope, i dun regret wadever i did and i dun blame you. life is such, we learn from everything we do and everything happens for a reason. its jus tt this is something both of us can't find a reason for...

oh well, i think i have a conclusion. but dun ask. let me decide wad to do myself. at the end of the day i will only say the same thing - at least i tried, no regrets...

this post is really not meant to be read. so dun bother reading... dun worry abt me, i will still be the same crappy and cheerful ger. really.