Not long ago i was feeling lost. totally lost. began a new chap in life. the chap called "working life". never expected it to be easy, hence i chose the easy way out. the path that was laid for me, one which did not require much effort to be on. then again, right frm the start i was off to a wrong start. stepped on someone's tail the very first day. till today i still dunno wad i did to offend you. but thanks to you, my life was made miserable. i questioned myself on whether i chose the right path. but who could i blame? i was the one who didn't make the effort to choose a better path in the first place. However, light was never far from me... dun think you will ever find out who this light of mine is. in fact, i dun even think you will ever be reading this... to find out wad you said abt me really turned me off... and to think i dun even noe the full story. but i should thank you lar, if not for you i wun be able to prove ppl wrong.. low expectations means i will exceed them easily. my luck somehow changed... saw light and gained the trust of my manager... although until tdy i still dunno how i did that, and i am not complaining of cos... =)

Although things are getting better now, i am beginning to question myself. is this the path that i really want? no doubt, if i perservere, i will go far. but the journey itself is tough. and the things that i have to give up seems costly. already i have made one U-turn and now there are dark clouds looming ahead. a storm is coming, i can sense it. whether or not this storm is gonna affect my work i really dunno. but the attention that i will get is something unasked for. sometimes the more you want to go unnoticed, the more attention you will draw... sighs... i ask myself, should i stay to face the storm? should i run before it hits? or i should i simply ignore it and jus let it rain? thinking too much maybe? for all i noe a strong wind may come and disperse all the dark clouds. hahaha... jus waiting to see wad will happen. dun like this feeling... makes me feel lost. i like to be in control. to do wad i want and be who i am. waiting jus seems... not me. but wad to do? lately it seems that i am jus waiting. waiting for time to pass, waiting for things to happen, waiting for opportunities to appear. getting the hang of it ehs? but its only a matter of time before i get impatient and decide to take things into my own hands.

Then again, i dun even noe wad i want in the first place. to take things into my own hands means when things dun go my way, i let go and find something else. i envy those who can put 100% into wad they are doing. be it in work, school, life, love, anything. i never seem to be able to do that. issit cos i haven't found something i truely love? i always thought ppl will put in their everything into things they love and mean alot to them. but yet somehow i haven't been able to. someone once said i love myself too much. too protective and dun wanna get hurt. maybe tt's why i will never give my 100%? i fear not meeting my own expectations and getting hurt. my frens envy the way i can let go of things. how i can always be happy and offer sensible solutions. well, i do think alot. you once said i think so much it makes u wonder if i am really only 22. well, this is exactly why i can always let go so easily. cos i think alot. if i noe i wun be happy then why bother?? no effort, yes i totally agree... tt's why now i choose to wait for things to happen. maybe when you stop forming expectations things will be better and i will finally be able to put my 100% into something? Totally lost, but this is life - you'll never noe wad to expect.

the entire CNY was spent taking photos wif my two sisters... hahaha... non-stop clicking frm the first to the 3rd... mus be my sis lar! cos i realised i dun snap when i'm not with them... hohoho~ pity my poor camera... haha...

Realised thay recently alot of ppl are telling me they wanna get married or propose to their gf... so romantic!! awwws... BUT, on the other hand, there are ppl breaking up too! and singles who have no faith in love... sighs... wad is love man? wad is marriage? its merely about the right timing. whoever u are with at that pt in time u marry. is there love? doesn have to be.. marry the wrong one? divorce. who suffers? the kids. one big vicious cycle and why? cos we are jus selfish ppl. always afraid to give our 100%...

Anyway, babe, this is for u...

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气
暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

do not go back to the past ok? it will be more painful. the last line sums up wad we should be doing... but i noe it is gonna be hard... but still try k?? all the best and most importantly, be happy.. i'll love u still!! hee

to all us singles out there,

爱要耐心等待 仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手 等候一次
真心的拥抱
我相信在这个世界上 一定会遇到
对的人出现

Have faith!

Wish me luck!! I need lots and lots of it!! Haven't felt so in need for luck since my last exam paper... sighs... dun like to be so helpless... but nono!! Positivity!! confidence is winning half the battle! jus do it!! hee... confused? well shall not disclose too much cos i've learnt to watch wad i say... you'll nvr learn who's listening or rather in this case, reading... hahaa.

when the time is right i will explain... for now, jus wish me luck if u dunno wad i'm toking abt. for those who noe, wish me MORE luck. i need it!! hahaha